The Onion, America's self-proclaimed "Finest News Source" and its undisputed funniest fake newspaper, has been an institution in Madison, Wisconsin for 12 years, but that's about to change. Most of the Onion's writers, who have toiled in cramped offices loaded with soda cans, action figures and easy-to-reach ketchup packets, are moving to New York City in January. In addition, Dreamworks SKG recently optioned the movie rights to two Onion articles, "Canadian Girlfriend Unsubstantiated" and "Tenth Circle Added to Rapidly Growing Hell." We asked Editor Robert Siegel, still in Madison, about the move, the movies and, since we had him on the line, just what it's like to be one of People magazine's "100 Most Eligible Bachelors."

OJR: So why the move to New York?

Siegel: (Sarcastically) We're on the grow, and you can quote me on that. Really, we want to be able to expand and do more things that will be funny. It's the idea that opportunities will come along organically. If we plant ourselves there, good things will happen. We've been here for 12 years. A change will be healthy.

OJR: Why New York, and not, given the movie deals, Los Angeles?

Siegel: We hate L.A. We're not really an L.A. bunch. New York is still the print-media capital of the world. The core of what we do will always be the paper, and that's just the place for that. The main reason is just that we like New York. I grew up in New York. [Head writer] Todd Hanson always wanted to get a place in Brooklyn. And we're not moving altogether. It's more like we're expanding. The production will still be here. A couple of our comedy writers will still be around here.

OJR: Any specific plans for new projects?

Siegel: None whatsoever. We get a lot of interest from TV and film. It's difficult to do anything with that stuff from Madison. In New York, we'll make friends with other comedy people we really respect. Good collaboration can result from phone calls and meetings. I think better collaboration in the things we're interested in doing will come from hanging out at a bar late one night with a guy from such and such improv troupe. It's about friendship, and people throwing out ideas. Somebody makes a joke and somebody else says, "Hey, that could be an animated cartoon." There's nothing more devious or ambitious or sell-out minded than the fact that we'd like to be funny in other formats than just writing fake news stories, week after week after week, year after year after year. God bless it, it pays the bills, but it would be nice to try something else, and it would be healthy to stretch other muscles. Right now our minds are wired toward thinking of Onion headlines. We'd like other ideas to pop into our heads.

OJR: Are Onion writers working on the two screenplays?

Siegel: Yes. Todd Hanson is supposed to write the "Hell" script. "Canadian Girlfriend" is in the hands of former Onion writer and editor Rich Dahm.

OJR: That's good news. Besides movies, are there any other formats you're interested in?

Siegel: Not specifically. If it's a TV show, great. If it's an animated short for the Web, that's okay, too. It's not like we dream of being the next David E. Kelley. If we went with television, we'd be more likely to go with cable, along the lines of HBO or Showtime. The stuff we really like on TV, aside from "The Simpsons," is on cable.

OJR: What about the newspaper? Will it change as a result of the move?

Siegel: No. The paper isn't going to turn into the New York Onion, making jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker.

OJR: You've said in the past that being in Madison, far removed from the trend-setting coasts, has given you a healthy outsider's perspective on American culture. Are you worried that the move may change that perspective?

Siegel: Sure, it's something we have to keep in mind and be careful of. There are all these pluses with moving to New York and opening an office there. There are minuses, too. We know what those are and we have to keep our heads on straight. We've had a good ten years to soak up a good Midwestern vibe. I don't think we're going to lose that. I still think of David Letterman as a surly, hermetic, mistrustful Midwesterner. It's not like he's become the toast of the town. You don't see him at parties. There are ways to close ranks. The Onion definitely has a Midwestern voice, but I grew up in New York. If I may be so egotistical, I'm a big part of the Onion voice. As for our writers, you can't change them. I've tried. They're stubborn sons of bitches.

OJR: So you won't become trend-setting New York socialites?

Siegel: We don't even participate in Madison high society. Even here, we're not welcome at the hottest parties and gallery openings.

OJR: Understood. Any other downsides to the move?

Siegel: Just getting caught up in it all. There are more distractions in New York. Also, there's going to be more press. If we have a bad issue, that might make a column. There are a lot of snippy reporters who need to sell issues every week.

OJR: It's all those media people writing about media. Hate 'em. Do you plan to build the staff in New York?

Siegel: We don't have any specific plans. If we want to get involved in other things, though, we can add more writers to have more flexibility. We can say, "You work on the screenplay and somebody else can work on the paper." With all due respect to Madison, I think it will be easier to find comedy writers in New York. It's not that easy to get people to move to Madison, and I think we've exhausted all the dishwashers and food-industry people here. There will be pluses and minuses with the people in New York, too. We're going to have a lot of fancy Harvard Lampoon-types expressing interest. New writers have to really fit in with us, and not everyone does. We have to throw them in and sniff them out.

OJR: What about the great Madison office decor? The posters, the dolls? Are you leaving that behind?

Siegel: We're packing up all of that crap and putting it in hundreds of boxes. Every last Alf poster and Erik Estrada "CHiPs" action figure will be making the trip. We'll open the boxes in New York and just dump them on the floor to recreate the environment.

OJR: Excellent. Where will the office be?

Siegel: I want to keep it secret for now, but we have a nice place.

OJR: Enough about the move. You guys had some great faux election coverage this year. You don't normally cover current events as closely as you did recently. Why the departure?

Siegel: You're right. Most people think of the Onion as a current-events parody in the way the "Daily Show" or late-night talk shows are, as though we look at the day's headlines and then go to our corner. But there are weeks when you read the Onion and there's nothing in it that reflects what's going on in the news. In the case of the election, we thought it was too big to ignore, and we'd be a little out of step running a lead about some area masturbator when the only thing people were talking about was the election. But, yeah, we're snobs and often pride ourselves on not talking about what's going on in the news. If it's Lewinsky-gate, we don't talk about it and tend to make jokes about over-population on the Indian subcontinent. That, we think, helps to put things in perspective.

OJR: Finally, since we last spoke, you were named one of People magazine's 100 most eligible bachelors for 2000. (Siegel groans.) Congratulations. Your reaction?

Siegel: (Sarcastically) Why can't we just talk about my mind? I felt so objectified. Actually, my first reaction was, Oh my God, the shit I'm going to get from the rest of my writers. And I was correct. It was a good four months of nothing but nonstop mockery. That was fine. It was funny to be in a People magazine spread where they put adjectives before your name like "hunky." I don't think they wrote that about me, though. Over the years, I've been asked probing questions about the nature of comedy. They asked questions like, "What's your best feature?" I gave the most sarcastic answers I could, but they didn't pick up on that. My parents were really proud. That really impressed them. People magazine also had this thing on their Web site where you could vote whether the bachelors were "hot or not." I think 1,800 women voted that I'm hot, which is good. But that was out of 25,000. I think the only one who did worse than me was a middle-aged Chinese doctor. I think he was running at a 13-percent hot clip, which is very poor. I did better than he did. But the women of America have spoken. As for whether I'm hot or not, I'm overwhelmingly not.